Time and time again, I’ve asked what I can do to improve my Japanese, and I know many other foreigners wonder the the same thing. The most common advice I hear from some of my Japanese students and fellow foreign friends is to get a Japanese girlfriend. Of course, in some cities, that’s easier said than done depending on your Japanese level and how open the woman is to dating a foreigner. Nevertheless, foreigners dating Japanese people is quite common. But is having a Japanese girlfriend the answer to learning Japanese?

I have talked to several foreigners who swear by it. They say the biggest changes in their Japanese came as a result of dating—and in some cases marrying—a Japanese woman.

I do think having a Japanese girlfriend can stimulate that desire to study harder. Being able to communicate with your girlfriend ultimately would mean a better relationship, right? However, I truly don’t think having the girlfriend is the be-all end-all answer to having good Japanese.