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How & When to Apologize in Japan

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Inconvenience 1: Being Late

Inconvenience 1: Being Late

http://www.irasutoya.com/2014/04/blog-post_9024.html

Depending on where you're from (remember, "common sense" isn't common!) a fixed meeting time may be seen as a promise to be kept, or a vague suggestion to be taken into consideration.

In Japan, being on time is a big deal. For work, if your day starts at 9 a.m., your boss and coworkers won't just expect you to be in the office at 9—they start getting worried if you're not in your seat by 8:55. In fact, on your first day, they'll expect you to be even earlier, since they'll be worried you got lost, slept in, or missed the train.

Of course, people are sometimes late. It happens everywhere. The key is to let your boss know in advance that you'll be late—before your start time. That's what cellphones are for. And when you arrive, you still have to apologize, because of course you've still inconvenienced people with your absence. Conversely, not apologizing is akin to acknowledging that your lost effort would have been of no benefit to the company, so you're not doing yourself any favors by keeping quiet.

How deeply to apologize for lateness depends on how how much people are counting on you to be on time. Your bare minimum at work would be "Okurete sumimasen," which means, "Excuse me for being late." However, if there was something that couldn't start without you—or worse, you're still new at your job—you're going to need "Okurete moshiwake arimasen," and you may need to keep repeating moshiwake arimasen until your boss tells you to go to your seat (and yes, in this kind of situation, you need to find the highest authority affected and apologize to them—that you wasted their time is huge!). This is especially true at schools, where it's a terrible idea to be even slightly late. Those teachers and kids are counting on you!

Inconvenience 2: Break in Routine

Inconvenience 2: Break in Routine

http://hqwallbase.pw/145292-pick-me-pretty-please/

Inconveniencing someone can also mean asking them to break their usual routine to do something that benefits you. This is where that sense of the "Balance of the Force" is really important, because you need to have an idea of what counts as "normal routine," and what counts as personal benefit.

For example, asking a friend to go out for a drink might be a break in routine, but it benefits you both, so no apology is needed. If asking a friend to help you move, on the other hand, you should probably lead off with an apology unless you're so close it's not a big deal—and even then, apologizing is still probably safer!

At work, any request that fits into someone's daily job description can typically be addressed with a simple "thank you," even if it's your boss (though the level of politeness will vary, of course). However, if you've got a request that's outside the regular routine, it's time to break out apologies. This can mean things like asking to go home early, asking someone to cover a task for you while you're away, or asking someone you've never worked with before to look up a tricky piece of information. Canceling a meeting due to your own personal situation is a pretty big deal—right up there with being late in terms of perception of unreliability, so your apology had better be top-notch!

Again, the level of apology depends on how big the request is and your relationship with the person. The more elevated the standing of the person you're putting out of their way, the humbler your apology needs to be, even if the ask isn't all that big.

From this, you can also see how omiyage culture—the practice of giving gifts upon return from a trip—is so important in Japan, as it functions as an easy, sweeping apology for any inconvenience caused by your absence.

Inconvenience 3: Loss of Face

Inconvenience 3: Loss of Face

http://mag.sendenkaigi.com/kouhou/201403/news-crisis/001771.php

This one's pretty exclusive to work, but you do have to watch out for things that cause your boss to look bad. It's an unwritten rule that you don't want to contradict your boss or make him or her look foolish in front of people from other companies, or even other sections of your own company. And if your boss looks bad because of something you've done or been tangentially related to—even if it wasn't your fault—it's time to bust out the bowing.

This one can be the hardest to accept, because you may have done everything right for your own part, but if the overall team result was a failure, you still bear responsibility as part of that team, just as you would share in everyone's success.