Say hello, and also "Please don’t kill me," to the Scorpion Computer Cockpit. According to its official website, it’s made by a company in China called Cluvens, though we currently have no way to confirm that that’s not just a shell corporation run from the shadows by the sinister Scorpiotron Empire.
Oh, and if you think it looks intimidating in still photos, you should also know that the Scorpion Computer Cockpit is motorized, and looks even crazier in motion.
The frame is made of high-carbon steel, and the tail can be equipped with up to three monitors. You can also adjust the chair’s posture in both sitting and reclining positions, and reposition the legs too for optimum stability in the spot where you’ll be placing it.
In its unoccupied configuration, the keyboard tray is pivoted to the side and the monitor “tail” (seriously, what else can we call it?) is uncurled, allowing you to plop yourself right down on the seat. Once you’re in position, you can then command the Scorpion Computer Cockpit to swing the keyboard and monitors into arm’s reach and your line of sight. Shouting "Transform!" as you do so is entirely optional, but also obviously entirely irresistible.
Also optional: wearing a schoolgirl-style dress and leopard-print heels when using the chair, although with all the attention you’ll be attracting from your housemates when you sit in it, maybe dressing up isn’t such a bad idea.
If you’re wondering if you can fit this mechanical minion into your lair, the maximum dimensions are a length of 165 centimeters (65 inches), a width of 108 centimeters (47.25 inches), and a height of 208 centimeters (82 inches). As for how sturdy the Scorpion Computer Cockpit is, it’s designed to accommodate users up to 124 kilograms (276 lbs) in weight, and both 100 and 240-volt chairs are offered.
Cluvens lists a price of US$3,299 on its website, but the Scorpion Computer Cockpit is available for a much cheaper US$1,999 here on online marketplace Alibaba, and there’s even a discount to US$1,899 per chair if you order 10 or more at once.
Great deals on edible scorpions and more at Village Vanguard this holiday season!
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